In a bold move, Salesforce recently initiated an aggressive campaign to recruit top AI researchers from leading AI labs such as OpenAI, DeepMind, and Anthropic. However, rather than the anticipated wave of enthusiastic responses, Salesforce’s ambitious overtures have been universally greeted with laugh emojis, bemused memes, and polite, albeit incredulous, rejections.

Screenshots from Slack and internal company messages reveal Salesforce recruiters attempting persuasive outreach:

“Imagine the future of AI-powered CRM. Think of the synergy!” one message enthusiastically proclaimed.

Response from a DeepMind researcher: 😂😂😂

Another Salesforce recruiter reportedly wrote:

“We can match any salary. Just name your price!”

Anthropic researcher response: “Is there an emoji for existential disbelief?”

One OpenAI team Slack channel temporarily rebranded itself as “Salesforce Recruitment Comedy Hour,” featuring shared recruiter messages alongside GIFs of exaggerated laughter.

Industry experts suggest Salesforce significantly underestimated the strong cultural and intellectual draw of dedicated AI research labs. An anonymous OpenAI researcher remarked, “There’s no amount of money that makes Salesforce’s brand of AI exciting. It’s like being offered a lifetime supply of vanilla ice cream when you’re used to artisanal gelato.”

A particularly candid Anthropic employee shared: “I’ve seen researchers willing to consider morally ambiguous experiments, ethically questionable datasets, even mildly abhorrent methods to push the boundaries of AI—but working at Salesforce? That’s beyond the pale.”

Despite persistent efforts, Salesforce recruiters have shifted their approach, now humbly acknowledging their inadvertent role in providing comic relief to the broader AI community. A leaked internal memo from Salesforce HR concludes with a resigned note:

“Perhaps we’ll pivot to stand-up comedy—it seems to be our true calling.”