Mark Zuckerberg has officially been upgraded. No, seriously—Meta has just released Zuckerberg v12B, the latest model of its notoriously stilted CEO persona, complete with improved realism, fewer bizarre moments of forced humor, and significantly upgraded empathy parameters.

The latest iteration of Zuckerberg boasts a whopping 12.8 billion parameters, a noticeable increase from the last public-facing version. According to Meta, Zuckerberg v12B was trained through “in-real-life reinforcement learning” (IRL-RL) involving thousands of hours of closely monitored trail running, Brazilian jiu-jitsu sparring sessions, and carefully annotated small-talk practice with baristas in Palo Alto coffee shops.

“With Zuckerberg v12B, we’ve greatly reduced awkward silences and noticeably improved response latency for casual conversations,” explained Meta in a release note. “Expect a 30% improvement in genuine-sounding laughter generation and a 75% reduction in spontaneous, unprompted discussions about the Metaverse.”

Notably, this release comes after months of critique around the previous Zuckerberg model’s awkward public interactions, bizarrely robotic movements, and overly scripted facial expressions. According to sources inside Meta, this newest version addresses these “longstanding user-experience issues,” delivering smoother, more relatable interactions—though early beta testers warn there may still be occasional misfires.

New capabilities include:

Latency-Compensated Humor: a 200ms artificial delay added to joke-telling to simulate natural human conversational pauses.

Small-Batch Empathy™: up to four believable nods per keynote presentation.

Federated Wink Learning: fine-tuned eye gestures, reportedly trained exclusively on encrypted WhatsApp conversations.

As for limitations, the release notes are characteristically candid: Zuckerberg v12B may still occasionally “misinterpret barbecue sauce placed prominently on bookshelves as normal human decoration,” and Meta admits there’s a persistent bug causing the model to inject Brazilian jiu-jitsu analogies during earnings calls.

Meta confirmed the upgrade is already rolling out. Users—er, audiences—should expect fewer unsettling moments, though Meta strongly advises not prompting v12B about the future of Threads, noting vaguely that it “could cause a gradient explosion.”

Ultimately, Zuckerberg v12B seems a promising—if surreal—step forward in Meta’s ongoing quest to make its CEO appear more human. Whether this latest version manages to clear the uncanny valley remains to be seen, but as the company itself proudly claims: “Mark is now approximately 14% more relatable.”